Being a female is hard.
I sometimes think people just don't understand how hard it can be, being so emotionally wired - it makes life confusing some days if you don't know how to manage it!
I have been doing a LOT of thinking, into all the weird things I do OR have done in the past, which lead to a delayed unhappiness or confusion now - and I'm like heck, some girls out there MUST do these things that make people, our partners or our family think we're crazy... I promise you, we ARENT! We are just unaware as to why we do what we do! BUT you can learn, and you can learn how to slowly manage things better and manage your life a little better. I'm still learning, but I thought I'd share with you what I've learnt.
1. Indecision.
I swear I find it SO damn hard to make a decision.. if somebody asks me what I'd like to eat.. I swear I just hit a bit cloudy wall and end up mumbling gibberish .. until all that comes out is "I don't mind"
This happens ALWAYS around my partner.. I'm almost like, too scared to say what I want or just have no idea and am happy to go with the flow. I think almost every female must have felt this, or guy at this point! But when you do it ALL the time it can be so frustrating for your other half that they feel like banging their head against the wall. Then there usually comes the nice line, "Why can you just choose something?!" .. which usually leads me to breaking into tears, because this decision is so emotionally distressing I just want to crawl in a hole.
Anyyyway, how on earth do you make this easier for yourself and others? Make a list of things you like. Like, if we are out and about I have to pre think some things I"d like to do or things I'd like to eat - so I don't get stuck for ideas. If you have a brain like mine, you need to pre prepare to avoid an anxiety attack over the simple idea of wondering what to eat. Research around your town some cool places that you would feel comfortable going to - so when you're out you can rattle these ideas off in no time - leaving a smile on your face and a big sigh of relief from your friends or partner!
2. Mistrust & Being Sneaky - EVERY GIRL DOES THIS!
This is something that has crept into my life subconciously, leading me to not trust people in the NOW - I hold memories or things that have happened to me in the past dictate how I act now.. and it's not fair on those who I love.
Checking your partners phone, facebook - I think EVERY girl has done things, regardless if she says she hasn't and never would, I bet my life she has thought about it - I've done it, thought about it - and it ALWAYS ends up bad. Regardless. You go on somebody's device or into their personal messages out of curiosity.. its exciting, you feel naughty.. yet you set yourself up to pick away at the SMALLEST thing and make it a big deal, leaving you with a torn reality and perception - causing you to be the brunt of the 'mistrust' - seriously, I'm not going to lie about it. It's so apparent in SO many females, secretly talking behind their partners backs about shit they have seen, yet they keep it so secret and deny they do it. Best thing I've found is to actually just be completely honest, instead of the grape vine catching up on you - its better to just be upfront and DISCUSS your insecurities, and discuss something you have seen. If this person really loves you then you will deserve the truth. If they lie, they are fuck heads and its pointless even trying. Sorry for the brutal honesty, but you DESERVE honesty from everybody in your life. If they tell you something because it's 'easier not to tell you to avoid conflict' this can be a bad and good thing - it depends on the situation. But at least repsect they do care for your emotions, and if its pointless it probably is pointless!
This brings me too..
3. Insecurites.
I'm SUCH a huge culprit for this. Comparison really is the thief of joy. I was at a point I couldn't hang out with my friends or go out in public - simply because I was SO insecure I wasn't the tall, skinny girl with a huge friend group. I wasn't good at sport - because of my anorexia. I like the be a hermit, isolating myself in society because it was easier to do that than actually make an effort.
I would be insecure about all the things I hated about myself, mainly my legs and the way I saw my reflection. Which then would lead me to compare myself, consciously and subconsciously to every girl I saw - at the mall, the gym on the street. If somebody was better looking then me or skinner, I automatically hated her guts.. if she was bigger, I felt I had one up on her.
My advice her? Get the fuck over yourself. Seriously. This is plain just your ego being STUPID!!! What you think of others is just a reflection of your own insecurities - and I say this from harsh experience! I would do it ALL the time.. I sometimes still do! But its not as bad. If your ego is controlling your life, you will lead a very insecure and miserable life without really being true to yourself. There's a happy balance between the ego and spirit - finding this comes by being really, brutally honest with yourself and the things that lead to insecurities and a sense of being 'lost' or 'stuck'
4. Overthinking & taking everything personally.
This old chesnut! DUDE, I still do this everyday, it drives me UP the wall - but it can be managed and you can recognize it to deal with it better!
If my partner or someone close to me says something, like how they feel - I totally overlook it and overthink it. I seriously will go into the most complex situation, go to the biggest extreme - and naturally think of the worst possible thing because I like to 'prepare' myself for the worse.
I will think of every possible outcome - and choose the worst because it seems 'most likely' - which is just a reflection of insecurities. All of these things I'm discussing ROLL and merge together and link into one big mush - so I like to deal with them seperately.
If someone close to me says "God, your difficult"
I will think.
"God.. yeah I am. Fuck. I'm so sorry. I must be such a horrible person to be around. Why are you even with me? You'd be so better with somebody else. Your probably going to leave me. Your definately going to leave me." Then I start finding people better than me and making this 'thought' a reality thinking that person is going to leave my life because I'm being an insecure, difficult fuckhead.
Wow.
How do you get past this? I literally tell them all the above. My partner, my boss, my family..
"Hey, I'm going to be completely honest with you here - but this is what is going through my head, its going to sound crazy (answering my own problem here) but just hear me out... and HELP ME!"
And I tell them what goes thru my head, and they are like... WOW that is so wrong lol.
If somebody gives me honest critisim, I take it personally too - I think IM a bad person and I've made all these mistakes that are completely irrelevant.
If you find yourself going into a tangent. I use breathing techniques. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Remind myself of all the people in my life, and why they love me. What do I love about myself. This removes any reason for somebody to be in my head and me thinking they are going to 'leave me' and removes the personal hate because I realize, I AM a worthy, awesome person - anybody who doesn't agree is not worthy of being in my life!
It takes time, but work on it! Just TALK and be honest and open to those you love - they will stick by your side! If they don't they can just get stuffed lol.
5. Guilt. Regret. Bad food days. Bad body image days.
I swear we all have these, just to different extents! Mine were prettttttty much on the "I'm going to DIE" end of the scale, but it's scaled down now to just "Oh woopsies. Meh she'll be right!" And just moving on with life.
The way I've removed the whole 'binge' aspect and removed a 'bad food day' is literally just a change of perspective. There is no wagon. There is no diet. It's just food. There is NOTHING WRONG with being hungry or eating a bit more than usual. It's okay to indulge. If you eat well 300 days of the year thats only 65 days of indulgence - I think you'll survive. Remove your self worth from your weight or 'what you ate' - your worth SO much more than that. Your heart, your strength, your ability to love and give and care are all things that are NOT DEFINED by your weight, your image and 'a bad food day' - It has taken me YEARS to get over this but I can say it is possible to make it to the other side. With patience, perseverance and REFUSING to give in.
If you need to cry, you cry.
Be honest with your partner, your family and your friends. Write a blog. Just express, help yourself to understand why you do these things - self therapy and self love is something truly powerful.
Anyway. These are some crazy things I have done/still do.
I hope they help you be okay with being a women!! :) It's a pretty cool experience, it's hard - but hey, nothing worth having comes easy!
If you have some more weird girl things that we do, please comment below or on the link I provided! I'd LOVE to hear them!!
xx Sam
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