My attitude with food lately has been really relaxed. Like,really relaxed. I've had no structure.
I just eat whatever, whenever. I thought this whole 'intuitive' eating thing would work, it kinda is, but sometimes, I do feel a little out of control. I've put on around 3-4kg in a week, and I know why. I'm responsible for it, my portions are a bit out of control, no structure, far too many fats and no exercise - it's a give in that being on the pill to I'm going to gain a bit of weight.
I'm trying my best to not let it get to me... but it's so hot in CHCH and I can't wear shorts because nothing fits and I get so damn concious and uncomfortable in them.
So yes. My foods been a lil haywire. Meaning I've gone through 4 tubs of peanut almond butter in a week, I've smashed back two big bags of seeds, a few bags of scroggin and loads of chickpeas... the only greens I'm having is spinach in a smoothie. God... I need to get back on track!
I sometimes feel an immense pressure because I run a page of health and wellness for girls and gaining this weight back on is not making me a 'healthy' picture,.... but I love food so much. Food, is honestly everything to me some days. I wish I wasn't controlled by it so much tho!!! I just want to eat atm, I'm thinking about food writing this eating a few rice cakes with peanut butter and just picking, with no real structure. Salads, nothing seems to appetize to me - it's like I've lost my appetite and cant be fucked eating so I just snack.
Not really healthy.
AND I kinda am real bored with training. I've done 4 sprint sessions this week and thats it, no weights or anything cos I get so freakin frrustrattted with the things.
I feel like I'm using 'being vegan' as an excuse to eat food that doesnt really have any nutritional benefit to me - like a whole bag of seeds and rice cakes and chickpeas... no real greens or anything. I really need to kinda get a plan in place....
BUT on the other hand, it's been nice not STRESSING or feeling deprived. I don't feel deprived, but I feel disgusted because I have gained weight and It feels GROSS. I get so exhausted of this yoyoing shit man!!! Ugh. I cant stop adjusting my clothes because I get so frustrated with how they fit.
I think I'm just having a bad day, 4 days ago I was feeling fine but I've let the diet slip majorly over the past couple of days and have even been snacking on cacao nibs and chocolate buttons throughout the day... eeeekkk. I mean this would be okay if I was training, but I'm not I'm just being so darn lazy!!!
LOL and its so hot today so I'm in a state because I want it to be cold so I can get hot from eating... Aren't hot days supposed to make you wanna go to the beach and be free and be naked? I really wouldn't go near anything like that atm.
ON the other hand, all my focus I put into stressing about a few things I have moved into my work, creating my own business and ebooks. It's been real cool ,I've finally found something I LOVE!!!!! I fucking love it man I actual do just love it so much, I love cooking, sampling, photographing - I love everything about it my creative side just buzzes out of control!!!
But yes, you see, I'm all or nothing. I put all my focus into this and now I neglect my health and how I look.
Great lol.
Ah well I'll just have to pesevere and try my best. Will relax for the rest of the day and force myself to run tomorrow, and just chug on and get back on track slowly but surely. :) It's hard man... some days I feel so much pressure running a health and fitness page to look good, that I then go and self sabotage by bingeing and uncontrolably eating.
I spend 80% of my day thinking about food.... I don't know if that's good or not... but I'm trying to turn it into a positive by creating food creatively and sharing my passion with the world in a POSITIVE light instead of dwelling on the negatives.
I have been too embarrsaed to post a pic of myself for my 2 week check in because I've basically feel like I've gone back to the start. No weights and hardly any cardio and 4 tubs of peanut butter has taken it's toll on my legs and tummy esp and it's driving me insane. Time to be honest and just get back on track.
One day at a time, like I said at the start of tihs blog. It honestly feels like it's a never ending battle... when I think I've solved the problem I really haven't.
I'll get there.
Thankyou for all your love and support. XO
Sam
No comments:
Post a Comment