A new start.

So, I'm giving things.. everything a second chance with myself.

I've been SO tired, groggy, down in the dumps a lil lately... annnnd I know why. I haven't been eating fruit and vegetables.
Today I FINALLY went and tracked what I ate - and my god I've been shocking lol.

Today goes as follows:
1 banana for breakfast and some grapes
1/2 packet of seed mix (sunflower, pumpkin and sesame seeds)
5-6 dates
Some cashews
4 rice cakes with almond butter + honey
1/2 jar of gherkins

LOL my god how the fuck is this even eating??? Soooo yes. This is what I've eaten today.
SUCH a contrast to me who was eating 6 meals a day of carbs and protein, now I just can't be assed! The thought of chicken makes me want to vomit :( So does the thought of eating a pre made meal of my own!

Am I just being lazy or am I really over it for now?

Either way, this is no excuse to be eating randomly.. I mean, I've been eating pretty GOOD natural food sources, just nothing that contains any minerals and vitamins my body is probably crying out for... hence I'm lying in bed doing my work today.

SO, Tonight I'm going to go no a FRUIT AND VEG shop and make a concious effort this week to UP my fruit and vege intake.

I was scrolling through pics of me on my comp prep and found some a few days before comp... Wow!! I honestly can't believe thats me. Then I took some this morning and thought... WOW... yep thats me lol.

But what was funny to see was the contrast in my Photo Booth camera gallery... the pics BEFORE I even started comp prep were just of me normal, smiling etc with kids and stuff, and the ones during comp prep, EVERY single photo is of me half naked, in a selfie. Me obsessing over my body 100x till I want to drive my head in the sand. I couldn't go a day without a selfie to check I looked 'better' than yesterday. That's not 'health and fitness'. Thats just plain fucking retarded.

Bloated, haven't trained in 2 weeks and haven't been eating very consistently and also on the pill has led to a watery whale! It's a little frustraing seeing as I was making SUCH good process before... but I wanst happy in my skin :( I was eating 6 times a day but always starving, unhappy, not enjoying training, flucuating too much... so yeah. I kinda had just had enough. And woopsies, good ol me goes and blows my arrrrrse off the wagon!!!!

I'm not too sure what to do training wise... I haven't trained today. I had an internal war about going to do cardio but instead I went home to bed. I KNOW that cardio will make me feel better but I just feel so god damn uncomforable with the way I look right now!! Not being happy on the inside has led me to be a not very happy person on the outside esp with the way I present myself.

So my goal is to start fixing this internally.

- Eat more fruit and veg.
- Make more smoothies
- Drink more water
- Do cardio and do something ENJOYABLE at least 3 times this week.

Here we go again.. *sigh*

Love to you all x

Smurph.