Transfer your energy.

The past few days have brung apon a massive shift in energy for me - not only from my ego, but to my soul... wait... more like from my ego TO my soul.

I've let go of SO much. The simple things that were dragging me down - like my constant need to compare myself to others, and the attachment of my self worth to my image. My constant emotional need to be numbed by food. My procrastination that is led on by the thought of food. The fear of going out in public because of how I look.. Have slowly softened their intensity in my life.

I cannot explain how amazing this sense of freedom is. But what I can explain to you, is how I have done it - what mental processes run through my brain. I'm not completely cured, but I'm in a far better space than I was yesterday. I now don't fear food. I haven't binged or felt inclined to binge, and I havent felt depressed or lost.. getting to the point where you just ball into tears about absolutely nothing.

Many girls who read my blog suffer immensely in the struggles I do. That's why I write it. So you KNOW you aren't alone.. BUT - this does not mean we can live like this forever. It's exhausting, time wasting and sometimes you wonder why you make your life this stressful.

There is no real CURE for disordered eating, eating disorders, body dysmorphia.. but there are ways you can totally manage it better and learn to put in place more positive habits to help you keep moving forward. I had in my head for so long writing this blog that I could magically 'cure' myself, instead I only really drove myself deeper and deeper into it and really had no idea what I was doing - I'm not ashamed of saying that, because we ALL do it to a point.

I still, and am aware still I will have days that are off point - days where I do have a few bad habits that creep in, but I can only learn through myself and the support network I have generated that sticks by me despite my struggles - that can take their toll and energy on relationships around me, so I'm forever grateful for those who stick by me even when I'm a selfish, not nice person to be around. I don't realise it at the time - it's almost like how 'love is blind' ... 'illness is blind' too.

SO - things that have helped me.

1. Be still.
Our minds are SUCH busy things - and a busy mind means to not-so-mindful thinking - so bad thoughts can easily creep in! I have taken the time by both mediating, yoga and just 'breathing techniques' to calm my anxiety. And just listen to the noise in my head. What is dominating? 9/10 it was food or body image related, so I have made a concious effort to push these to the back of my head. I literally sit there there imagining myself pushing a big blub of bad thought out to the back of a giant space in my head, and it seems to work.
SO - find a system that works for you. Maybe you like to pray, maybe you like to sing, dance - whatever your 'release' is - do it. Maybe it's just walking to the park and lying on the grass and falling into a daze. Go and be still.

2. Do something you have never done before.
Yoga was mine, and I found it and fell in love with it. Go and do something you have literally NEVER done before. Something to exercise the mind - it will take up the space and I guarantee it will be something that calls to you and makes you fall in love. If not, go try something else. There's an abundance of things waiting for you.

3. Forgiveness, and believe it.
If you slip up - binge again, eat bad. Forgive yourself - and actually BELIEVE what you are saying to yourself. Empathise to yourself, give yourself a hug. It's OKAY.
Too often we pull the whip on ourselves, it's like personal slavery. Its horrible.
It's like we pull ourself into our own wee prison - and sentence ourselves until we finally break out of jail. Then even THEN we still feel a sense of guilt.
Forgive yourself, realise what is done is done and you can only try harder next time.

4. More fruits and more vegetables.
Eating a raw lifestyle has allowed me to curb many cravings - eg peanut butter and ricecakes. I don't even want any! I just want lots of veges, lots of greens and big salads and fruit bowls! I love eating from the earth and my body and mind is thanking me in MANY ways.


Binge eating, depression, anxiety are all really sensitive parts of ourselves, so they need to be treated with care.

These are all simple things I've been working on, not to mention being grateful, and actually BELIEVING I am grateful instead of taking THAT for granted.

Enter your day smiling and with a calm mind - and I guarantee you'll be able to handle things much easier!

Anyways, I'm sleepy so I'll talk again later.

X Sam.