Well, it's been a while..

Lying in my bed, and wow - it's been a while since I've caught up with myself and my readers.
Not that I write juuuusssst FOR YOU - but you guys are some days what keep me going, keep me focussed.

It's been hectic.. this whole journey of 'self love' and 'self acceptance' seems like it is so glorious and fresh as you start, then as those parts of yourself you DON'T love start surfacing, that's when the roller-coaster really begins.

Everyday we are PLUGGED and PULLED into the faces of the fitness industry - I guarantee if you look down your timeline, 50-70% of it will be fitness model related. Well, that was the case with mine anyway. These 'subliminal' messages - wether you think they affect you or not - really warp your own self perception and how you feel about yourself. It could even be your friend who is competing, who is in much better shape than you because she lifts 6 days a week and does endless amounts of cardio and eats clean 7 days a week.
You sit there, and you appreciate it at first, but deep down you are tearing at your heart because of how much you despise what YOU have.
I've been there, and I know how it feels.
It manifests. It grows until its too hard to bare with - you can't walk down the street without getting hyper anxiety about how your legs look - they are no where near the what the picture in your mind tells you they SHOULD be - where did that damn picture come from anyway? Society, society and the subliminal messages you are FED everyday as to what is and is not 'accepted' in the ways of beauty.
We are all advocates for 'beauty starts on the inside' yes - but how many of you actually believe that? How many of you?

I've stopped going to the gym, as I can't walk in there without judging and comparing myself to every single girl in there. It began to make me hate myself because I was being 'that person' - so I left, I will go back one day - but once I am healed and have a clear set goal and have trained my brain to 'just do my thing'.
SO, I have taken up Yoga.
It has honestly, changed my mindset and my life. It's probably a mix of Yoga and new medication but I'm going with Yoga.
It has taught me to be in my own stillness - to breathe, to let go, to really crunch down to what is wrong and be in my own present time - thus that 'problem' erases itself as 'not important'. I have not had an anxiety attack in 2 weeks and I have not felt inclined at all to binge for 2 weeks - so I have been fully 'vegan' for 6 weeks so far, but only in the last two weeks have I got it 'right' - and my body is thanking me in SO many ways - not just physically but mentally. I highly reccommend yoga to anyone who is battling with what I battle with, it has changed my life immensely.

I'm slowly starting to appreciate my body and all it serves for me - I've been pretty horrible to it over the past 8 years and it's time to stop.. because one day, I won't have this body. I actually looking in the mirror and looked down at my legs, and Yoga has transformed them in the way I have WISHED for them to look like for so long, I feel comfortable - and I'm happy. I'm happy not because I'm 'skinnier' but because I feel more stronger, healthier, lighter and more bubbly - the real me that's been hiding somehwere for so long. It's almost as if a huge cloud has just peeled itself away from me.

Anyways, I'm gonna leave it there. I'm pretty tired.. had horrible hayfever ALL day today and it's driving me up the wall, I'm hoping it is gone tomorrow as I have a full day in the iSUPPS store and reaaaaaly don't want to be plugged with hayfever ALL DAY again!!

Night all, and stay happy.

X Sam.