Well.. Firstly Merry Xmas! To be honest I'm an xmas Grinch.. The only real memories of Christmas I have is of me walking off in a tear storm because of a family fight or something, or i would get anxiety around so much food.. I dunno.. Im not very 'family orientated' and i do get quite selfish, just a product of how isolated i was when I was sick.
Yup ill admit it but fuuuuck split families are hard esp when it catches up on you, like it has now.
Yup ill admit it but fuuuuck split families are hard esp when it catches up on you, like it has now.
I didn't buy anyone presents; for one i am broke and two i kinda forgot intentionally. Some of you may be sitting here in disgust at what I'm saying, saying i should be spending time w my FAM etc etc... Couldn't really give a shit, its your opinion. Today i spent the day w myself and my cat and Josh, mum came along too. And that's all i need.
We just went for a drive to corsair bay for a swim and to relax, and i got waaay out of my comfort zone and wore togs and shorts. Initially i was self conscious about how my legs looked... Def not up to my usual standard... But after a swim i forgot about it and started being happy because the swimming made my legs jiggle less. God i dunno my head spins some real weird shit.
Coming home, i hadn't eaten much but fruit and a few nuts... I had been given chocs etc from mum and the thought of hoeing into rice cakes came to mind... But some weird force inside compelled me to make a stirfry instead because ill feel better. I used chicken, fresh vegges, carb free noodles, almond butter, soya sauce and garlic. I chucked in a heap of cashews too... I wasn't sure if i should feel bad about eating them or if i was trying to justify it as ' its OK, its Christmas ' ... Finished my stirfry but was left feeling a Lil hungry.. Or maybe i was just bored?? Hmm i have this battle .. A lot.
Thought about the chocs again instead i made a bowl of cookie dough using 1 scoop vanilla chain whey, 2tbsp coconut flour, almond butter, honey and some dark choc chips... Maaaannn it tasted so good, so I've just smashed another bowl....
Careful Sam that this doesn't turn into an allright binge.. Hence I'm writing this now to review my day and leave it at peace.
This horrible wave of guilt came over eating that second bowl, but its done now and could have been MUCH MUCH worse... Eg REAL cookie dough lol. I wanna go a whole month with no processed foods for treats and see the mental and physical changes I can make... So I'm on a quest to find satisfaction out of healthier versions of my fave treats..once again tho, i need to work on portions and moderation!!!
Careful Sam that this doesn't turn into an allright binge.. Hence I'm writing this now to review my day and leave it at peace.
This horrible wave of guilt came over eating that second bowl, but its done now and could have been MUCH MUCH worse... Eg REAL cookie dough lol. I wanna go a whole month with no processed foods for treats and see the mental and physical changes I can make... So I'm on a quest to find satisfaction out of healthier versions of my fave treats..once again tho, i need to work on portions and moderation!!!
Im lying on bed now and i feel a Lil bit bloated which fucks with my head.. But trying to not let it phase me, will b gone in the morning! Once again, trying to maintain that stupid standard i set myself!!!
My meals for todays diary so far;
Meal 1 9am was 1/2c oats + 1 scoop Vanilla Whey
Meal 2 around 12pm was handfull of fruit, some nuts and some Aminos (whilst at beach)
Went for a swim etc then arrived home at around 3pm
Meal 3 around 3pm was 2cups of veges, 1cup carb free noodles, 150gms chicken, 1tbsp peanut/almond butter, handful of cashews + peanuts (raw), garlic and soy sauce.
Meal 4 about 5-30pm was 2 scoops of vanilla Whey, 1 tbsp almond butter, 1 tsp honey, 2 tbsp coconut flour and a handful (or two lol) of dark choc chips
.. Meal 4 #2 was another bowl of this only using 1 scoop of protein tho.
Yeaaaa so that's where I am atm... I haven't drunk a lot of water today (big nono) Hence why I am craving big time!!
My meals for todays diary so far;
Meal 1 9am was 1/2c oats + 1 scoop Vanilla Whey
Meal 2 around 12pm was handfull of fruit, some nuts and some Aminos (whilst at beach)
Went for a swim etc then arrived home at around 3pm
Meal 3 around 3pm was 2cups of veges, 1cup carb free noodles, 150gms chicken, 1tbsp peanut/almond butter, handful of cashews + peanuts (raw), garlic and soy sauce.
Meal 4 about 5-30pm was 2 scoops of vanilla Whey, 1 tbsp almond butter, 1 tsp honey, 2 tbsp coconut flour and a handful (or two lol) of dark choc chips
.. Meal 4 #2 was another bowl of this only using 1 scoop of protein tho.
Yeaaaa so that's where I am atm... I haven't drunk a lot of water today (big nono) Hence why I am craving big time!!
Hope you have all had a good day where ever you are!!!
Much love xx Sam
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