Today I had a nice day :)
I slept in and didn't get to do any fasted cardio like I had planned the night before... I tried my best to just brush it off and went to the gym after dropping Josh off to go and do 20mins mix of incline walk and run.. I still get extremely frustrated when running because i get puffed after 5mins and cant seem to get my tights comfortable.. I have this weird obsession where i need to have my tights in a certain way because it seems to stop the jiggle and makes me run better... I dunno i swear that's just a retarded mental thing.
Got my hair done today too!! My fave Renee had a last min cancelation so i was stoked to get in! Went all blonde for a fresh look :)
It felt nice treating myself to some thing other than food, i bought some new shoes too for my own Xmas pressie!! Finally a proper pair of running shoes lol.
Food was good today :) made a conscious decision to be planneed for once... Its so hard getting back into meal prep I seriously just CBF.. Ill cook Josh's meals just not mine... So i got up early n whipped up chicken, rice and almonds.
Bfast was 1/2c organic rice cereal w 3x egg whites and sugar free choc
Meal 2 was 1/2c oats w 3x egg whites and 1tbsp LSA
Meal 3 was 150g chicken, 1/2c rice and a handful almonds
Meal 4 was protein shake
Meal 5 was 180g chicken, avocado and almond salad.
I will make a clean treat tonight too cos i am still a bit peckish.
I am going to post what i eat to keep track of my eating habits and hold myself accountable. By all means, follow it too but you MUST understand that i do and eat the things i do to serve my body... So what works for me may not work for you. Remember my goals ATM are to drop body fat and regain balance and learn to love myself.
I went and trained this afternoon and helped josh spot, and he helped me w a few things. In extremely reluctant to him helping me because i feel he gets frustrated at me then i get upset and embarrassed. But i want to learn more because i want to get more out of training.. I'm finding it hard to motivate myself to do weights and find myself slowly creeping to the treadmill.
So im going to do my best to put my stupid excuses and attitude behind and learn something for once!
I had a moment in the gym when I wasn't happy and kept focusing on how gross my tummy felt.. I was wearing a tight top and just got stupidly self conscious about my tummy and kept hiding and adjusting it... I KNOW i should be confident in my body... But when your suffering in your head at the time you don't see that.
My coach Janere is amazing... She will say the simplest of things to improve my self talk and i trust her with my heart.
I can't believe its Christmas tomorrow.... My family's a bit split up so we don't make a big deal out of it. I think ill get up and go for a run and eat some oats to be honest! May go to the beach w Josh :)
I don't have anxiety over Christmas food, I've grown stronger in knowing how shitty food makes me feel shit.. And i have been telling myself this every morning and again at night.
Love to you all and have a safe and happy holiday xxx Sam
I have never seen someone I could relate to as much as you. I cry reading your blogs because I have been through the exact same things, the anorexia, the binging, the frustration that I was letting go of my anorexia and couldn't get it back because of the binging. And then I decided to compete. And it's so hard, and some days I feel like I'm in the dark with no torch and there are numbers going round and round in my head, but then when I read this, it's comforting knowing someone else is going through a very similar thing and it helps me to keep going. Keep doing what you are doing beautiful and stay strong xo
ReplyDeleteOh Darcy your words speak so true to me!! Thankyou, for sharing this, Can related to everything. It can be frustrating at the best of times, but you aren't alone xx
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