Day 3; Baby steps: a short story following the life of a pie plate

Don't ask about the title of this blog haha. Angie Hoffer you'll be proud I named it this hahahaha.

SO! Last night, as I said in my last post I was going out for tea and bowling! Usually, I get horrible social anxiety in social situations and find it mega hard to focus - but for once, I actually had no anxiety and forgot about all my worries and the shit that has been going on for the whole evening.. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. I had the most yummy clean grilled chicken Mediterranean salad from Nando's and we went bowling; Seriously, I had in my mind that I SUCK at bowling.... friggen like the first two bowls I got strikes hahaha! Outdone myself there, even bet Josh in the first round... #girlpower haha! Nah, lost my mojo at the end of it and just starting flinging the ball left right and center.. may as well have been playing ping pong lol!
But so so grateful for my wonderful bosses and best friends; Tiare and James - seriously, I owe a lot to you guys, for giving me no anxiety in the work place and being so genuine and caring and supportive - I'm forever grateful xx

Got home from bowling last night, and felt supppper hungry... Was two minded about eating something.. I was like, "Well, I've had such a good day eating maybe I should just go to bed on an empty stomach to wake up lean" ... but I don't want to be latching onto the mentality of this, so I felt like a wee clean treat.. I mixed up 1scoop chocolate casein, cacao nibs, 1 (hefty) tbsp of almond butter, 1 tsp honey and 1tbsp coconut flour.. literally mixed in into a mush and it taste like cake haha! Probably could have been cleaner.. but I decided not to beat myself up about it.. usually I would have downed that whole tub of honey and AB just been in a state with rice cakes.. so this was a good way to ween myself off haha.


Woke up this morning... huuungry! YAY! I love this feeling when I get excited about breakfast lol.. seriously, sleep is like the ultimate time machine to breakfast! So I enjoyed 1/2c organic Rice porridge, 3x egg whites, PB2 sprinkled on top w cinnamon and stevia! Try to limit my protein powder intake and just want to cleanse out my system with whole foods so egg whites are my alternative protein source! :)

Went for a walk up the hills again - this time did 1 more upwards climb that last time, so was happy I pushed myself a teeny tiny bit. Took about 30 mins in total. I'm enjoying just MOVING again.. and not putting pressure on myself. Feeling a little less bloated - YAY!!!! It's the small things of FEELING GOOD that make me happier.

I seem to have always adapted the mentality, that I have to look fit to train. It's weird how the mind works, I have been putting off going to the gym lately just because I feel so shit and look so shit (in my mind) and I feel that everyone is going to 'judge' how I look because I'm not in my 'comp' shape.... waaaaaaataaa retard... So, I'm going to get OUT of my comfort zone tonight and actually GO to the gym and just lift some things!!! With no pressure, just get back into the routine and do my best to focus on ME and not what other people think. It's weird, I tell myself that I don't care what other people think... but then I actually find myself stopping myself from doing something because I do care deep down... Maybe you should take the time to sit back and reflect on yourself and see what you could be doing better, or what's stopping you.

Food-wise I'm going day by day; so far, so good. I'm weary that I WILL face some hurdles, it's usually around the weekends when I get anxiety about 'cheat meal' ... so, I'm going to try a different approach and REMOVE the cheat meal mentality, and just enjoy some whole foods for once.. It's going to be a push and shove but I have faith that I can do it, and I have been telling myself daily that CHANGE is found in the daily routine.. You've gotta change something you do daily to get the results you are after. Instead of what I have been doing recently.. is just sitting there look at pics and stuff thinking, "Faar, I wish i had that! Or, I want that" .. without realizing I gotta get off me bum and put in the work instead of always half assing everything.

I have still been in a broken heart state from what has happened regarding the miscarriage recently.. I have never felt like this before, but I have been receiving the most amazing messages of support and love from everyone who has been through the same thing, more than once too. I'm astounded at how strong the woman being can be!
It was such a hard decision at first, not keeping the baby or keeping the baby... Me, personally, I was SO torn.. as the motherly loving and nuturing side for me hung onto it like a magnet and wanting to produce that love. It's always going to be a battle between the head and heart... but I'm telling myself that it wasn't meant to be, that bubba KNEW I would live with the guilt for the rest of my life, so he (I have had a few dreams and visions to myself lately, that I feel he would have been a beautiful wee boy) knew it wasn't the right time, and left for natural causes in order to help heal my heart. And I'm thankful for that, and also for myself having the strength to voice how I'm feeling and be honest and open. It feels very empowering.

I'm thankful, EVERY SINGLE DAY for the amazing man I have at my side - I love him with my whole heart, and am so blessed to have the support that he gives me. I wouldn't have it any other way. I dont give a fuck if thats cheeeeesey ahah, it's the truth and love should always be crazy madness and beautiful.


I've got a busy day ahead, lots of design work to chip away at and I'm heading in to see some of my faves from cityfitness and bringing them some protein balls!!

I'm no "qualified" nutritionist and/or trainer.. I'm just willing to do what WORKS for me and makes ME happy... that doesn't mean what works for me, will work for you!
Experiment. Fail. Fall down.
But always get back up and do it differently if it didn't work. You may even make the same mistake more than once; but that's okay. We all do. Fuck, I do it everyday.
DONT.
GIVE.
UP.
There are ALWAYS mindset changes, and other changes that can help you on your journey to well-being that you apply - if you just take the time to listen to within.
I am looking to compete next year.. and I'm excited for you all to follow my journey. I'm not going to beat myself up over it, except I'm going to take it slow and know that I am under the best guidance possibly by my coaches, trainer and best friends and family. As I know they have my health and wellbeing and mental state of mind in their best interests.

Here's to another day of clean eating, smiles and training - and being nice to me for once :)

Sam xx
PS I got a new dress for a wedding in the new year, I couldn't be more happier I can actually fit my bum into it!

Protein ball recipes;
ROCKY ROAD CRUNCH
> 2x scoops of Strawberrys n Cream FITMISS Whey
> 1/4c almonds, blended until chopped
> 4tbsp coconut flour
> 2tsp LSA
> 1tsp psyillum husk
> tsp almond butter
> tsp Honey
> 1/2packet of weight watchers strawberry jelly crystals
> water to combine

Literally throw everything into a bowl and mix until it forms a dough w water.
Roll into balls and put in fridge!

COOKIE DOUGH PROTEIN BALLS
> 2x scoops of Vanilla Chai FITMISS Whey
> 4tbsp coconut flour
> 2tbsp cacao nibs or organic choc chips
> 1tsp almond butter
> 1.5 tsp honey
> water




Literally throw everything into a bowl and mix until it forms a dough w water.
Roll into balls and put in fridge!

My new dress! Only 89 bucks :)

LEFT: Rocky Road protein balls RIGHT: Cookie dough protein balls (recipes in post)

Me today, feeling less bloated yay!