Well, I have decided to blog daily or every couple of days on my progress, more or less going thru the crazy shit I think about. Also will touch on my meals, how my eating habits are going, my training and how I feel physically and emotionally.
Actually getting out of bed and moving was hard enough to be honest. I am struggling to accept the amount of weight I have put on in such a short period of time... my partner says it's not even that bad and I still look fine... I don't know why I don't believe that more, except I sit here focusing on how huge my legs feel and the fact I'm far from a six pack.
This image... this feeling of perfection, this so called "standard" I set for myself is always so far off how I actually am, and I feel like a piece of shit for it.
Im trying to be kind.
I've just been pregnant for 7 weeks and went through the emotions of both abortion and miscarriage.
Cut yourself some slack Murphy.
I was actually really good with my food today.. for once. I'm going to go a whole month with noooo peanut butter and noooo rice cakes. Its all or nothing for me. I've been consciously drinking heaps of aminos and my meals today have been yoghurt n fruit and grains, chicken and spinach w kumara, and a big chicken salad w almonds.
It hasn't been much but to be honest I have lost my appetite so I literally just shut up and ate them... and it worked.
I may even go for a run tonight.
I'm trying to make a conscious effort to remember how eating good feels...
If I had been having a binge I would have still be eating by now (it's 7pm) And the night would be a write off.
Today's been hard emotionally... I struggle to even focus on my work.. thoughts of what has recently happened keep swarming in, and there's a huge uproar at home atm with my mum and her partner.. and its all too much.
Some days I just want to hide from everything.
Luckily I have my wee kitten Charlie.. he's probably the one slice of happiness I need right now.
So.. that was today basically.
Day one down.... its going to be a slow process but I would rather that than a quick fix.
Sam over n out ✌
Sam, i have been reading your blog since you started. you have been through so much i cannot even comprehend. I was so sad to hear about how your pregnancy ended, you are right.... cut yourself some slack :) you look fantastic and i have been taking tone for about 3 weeks and seen some awesome results (along with lots of stairs, weight training and low carb clean meals) You should be excited for the journey ahead and seeing the changes in your health and fitness. Keep it up xx Kristi
ReplyDeleteOh wow kristi thankyou for your message xxx ☺☺☺ most def i am, keeping level headed and learning to love myself along the way xxx
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