Day 30; A whole month of no binges. Wholey moley.

I woke up feeling much better today... A mix of me forgetting my fluoxtine and me having my period really put me in such a shit head space. I feel more balanced, and ready to tackle these challanges. It gets really tiring being so up and down, I'm so so lucky that I have such an amazing partner, Josh, who I can talk to openly with these kind of issues and he listens unconditionally and gives me his honest opinion and advice. I respect that like nothing else, seriously.
With all the bullshit that is going down at home, it's so nice having my man by my side holding the fort together.

I've been pretty up and down lately, I think it's cos I'm coming to grips with a whole lot of crap that I've been doing for YEARS.. and It's time to change.

I get so caught up on my image some days, then other days I couldn't give two tosses!! I think it's just a product of me being bored, when I'm bored, I think way way way too much, and will overthink myself into a shit storm! I need to be more proactive and find things to focus on that make me feel good.
Once again, I know all the asnwers I just need to stop pussy footing around and just DO THEM!!!!!

The support and messages I've been getting from everyone is hoenstly just mind blowing.. I can't believe it. Thankyou all so much for being here!

Todays been good! I am feeling a little leaner, so I'm holding onto that POSITIVE instead of thinking about how far I have to go.

I don't know if I should compete... I'm hungry for the stage again man, real hungry to just make bums fall of seats and blow shit outta the water!! I want to challenge myself again and grow more as a person.. But I dont know if I'm thinking about this too soon and should just give it time? Hrrmmm I'm so bad at making decisions sometime!

One thing I'm really greatful of atm is the knowledge I have with my body. I'm finding what works - finally! I've got my diet in check.. after all these years!! I feel like I actually KNOW instead of just lying to myself or trying to convince myself that I need to starve myself!! FUCK that's taken ages... It feels so good knowing that I need all this food to nourish me and it's not going to make me HUGE! BINGEING all the time will make me huge, but moderation, balance and being happy about your food is where its at. So I'm going with it, hopefully it will rub off onto my body!!

My legs a bit sore still... I am finding it hard not to run :/ I really enjoy running nd it is the only cardio that I dont get bored doing... and yeah, I just cant stop for a few days. I've always been like this.. maybe I should actually take my own advice and stay off it but I freak out thinking I'll get lazy if I don't run! Blergh lol I hated running 3 weeks ago now I love it :/ Can't win can I hahahaha.

Been at work today w my boy, it's fun hanging out with him and helping the girls that come into store with their supps and training advice etc :) So if you're ever in CHCH come into the iSUPPS store at 47 ric road!!

This morn I trained for about 40mins, 20mins cardio and then mucked around with some glutes and abs. I have quite bad period bloating, so I'm just wearing a hoodie today so I don't focus on it too much! It will be gone in a few days!!

I'm hungry all day man! not like starving or deprived, it hink its just cos im thinking about food and im bored so I want to eat.. all about breaking habits tho right? I've eaten all my meals spot on time today so that's good! Feel hungry still, but I know that means my metabolism is working! Slow n steady!

The more I drop a bit of weight the less frustrated I get at the gym about myself... weird how that works. But hey, slow progress IS progress.

One thing I find hard is trying to not rely on pre-workouts and fat burners. From my year of hard drugs and relying on Ecstacy etc to do my training and everyday things, it's really fucked me up still trying to train without a 'high'... I'm getting there tho! Slowly It's hard, hence I'm so up and down and on my fluoxotine.

Anyways!
That's today :)

Goodbyeeee
X sam