Sometimes I feel like I'm super crazy :/ I am such an indecisive person... I can't even decide if I want to hang out with Josh and Me or Josh, Me and his friends because I care about him so much and want him to be happy! So I want him to bring his mates around and I'll look after them too and cook them dinner and shit, I like doing that kind of stuff... and I know he gets so pissed off at me because I can't make my stupid mind up :( I just don't know, I'm scared of being by myself in my own company, yet I don't want to hang out with anyone other than Josh because he's the only person I can forget about binges and food around. But I also don't want him burdened by me...
So I decide last night that I want to just hang out with him, then just before I go and text him and say if he wants he can bring his friends over and I'll cook them nacho's or something, but then yeah I got a major anxiety attack because I feel like he's pissed cos I can't make up my stupid mind :( I just care for people way to much and want everyone to be happy, and hate people being pissed off at me!
God I feel like crying lol.
My throat has that horrible anxious feeling.
I just had to vent all that off, it was driving me insane... I still feel a bit anxious but feel better after writing that.
Fuck I feel so crazy :/
My foods been all over the place... I have been eating here and there, It's okay. I'm not stressing. I'm kinda just going with the flow. If I'm hungry, I'll eat. If I'm not, I'll TRY my best not to eat out of habit... It's pretty hard. I've been clocking up some KM's on runs which feels really good! So I'm kinda just trying to keep balance here and there and not stress too much about meals etc. Sometimes I need the mental break. Back into it on Monday tho, I go real hard mon, tues, wed then by thurs I kinda just get lazy and taper off.... Hrrmmmm.. All good tho, I have eaten a lot of carbs lately tho, but I'm okay with it because I've had heaps of energy for my training which I've been enjoying for the first time in.. forever lol!
Anyway.. Hopefully this anxiety passes and I stop being such a fuckwit.
Sam. x
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