Okay so FOODS been good today, but when foods not a problem something else seems to be!
Guh.
I really need to pull finger and find some sort of motivation to start pushing my photography, I get a bit lazy and put it into the back of my mind thinking it will just all 'work out' ... errm i'm open to ideas. I let my anxiety get in the way thinking I'm not good enough so I put it in the too hard basket.
Trainings going well, feeling a lil smaller which is always nice.
But yeah, I dunno today, well this arvo I've gotten in this headspace where I am getting angry at myself because I don't have a 'big goal' .. like, my partner has a big goal of wanting to compete at the natural olympia but I just feel like I'm going nowhere.. I can't freaking find a goal to set and stick to it.. sometimes it feels like I'm wasting my time and don't know what I'm doing! UGHHH I hate feeling like this.. but I spose, I don't know my purpose in life yet. I've tried 1000 things under the sun and always quit because it gets boring.. and it frustrates me because I've burnt so many bridges.
Like, I'm 21 and I'm in no way financially set up to flat or live by myself or with Josh.. and it saddens me holding him back and scraping the barrel.. why cant I just sort my shit out? Instead I sit here worrying too much about how I'm not skinny enough or that food controls me, when it's just robbing me of the shit I need to sort out.
Goalls... goals.. why am I so shit at setting them? I seem to have my head up in the clouds
I dunno. I'll find answers somewhere I spose.
Anyways going to go train tonight, dunno what to train? I might do shoulders or train with Josh.
But yeah.. it's always this up n down battle either 1 day I'm worrying about food and how shit I feel, or another day I'm stressing about stupid life shit and how I can't seem to get my shit together. I hate working for people that are c**nts so Its not really an option looking for more jobs in hospo etc because I literally can't stand it, I'd just get fired like every other time lol.
Blergh. Anyway that's my word vomit for the day I'll leave it there. I feel better just writing that out of my head so now at least I can try get a good train in.
Love loves x S
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