I'm a bit off today, super exhausted and can't seem to stomach my meals, each time I try eat my chicken and rice I feel like vomiting.. the only thing I've been able to keep down today is some sour cream and chives rice cakes with nutella on top.. wtf lol. I am so repulsed by meals I don't feel like eating them...this is horrible! I just want to get my gains lol and stay on track, except I'm lying at home feeling like ass and just soooo exhausted and just craving rice cakes and peanut butter :(
Fucks sake. Just let it go murphy lol.
Somedays I get so exhausted worrying about how I look, well, it's not that I worry, it's more that it's not exactly the nicest feeling when you wake up feeling not-so-positive about your body. I've been better than usual lately! Todays just an off day I think. I haven't trained, haven't eaten my meals, have had a fuckload of nutella and now I want rice cakes and peanut butter. I'm going to have some, and I'm not going to feel guilty. I'm going to get up tomorrow with vegenance and go for a run and make do to have a better day tomorrow.
It's kinda nice just lying around doing nothing, but it is also immensly frustrating when all I wanted to do today was eat my meals as usual and go for a run! I wonder whats wrong. I should prob ring the doc..
But yeah, I've been trying so hard lately. Just to let it go. If somethings not serving me the way I want it to, why should I try push shit up hill? I know if I wanted to compete again, I'd do really well if I sacrificed everything and my mental sanity. But I don't think I'm ready to do that yet. But I still have this burning desire to be lean again and be confident in wearing short shorts or even simple shit like a dress or a bikini on the beach. I wouldn't dare bare my legs atm in public because it feels so fucking uncomfortable... I just want my lean runners legs back :( So I'm going to ease into my running.. the healthy way, and keep eating NORMALLY. Instead of doing my stupid restricting stint.
Me... my goals... and then theres food lol. FUCKING FOOD.
I wish I was a boy that doesnt worry about what they ate and just ate because they are hungry! Not beicause they are angry at themselves and being an emotional fuckwit!!!!!
I'm getting there tho, each day I'm a lil stronger and managing a lot better than I was! I can actually eat things now and not feel the immense guilt i used to feel. I still have a wee inner war saying "You shouldn't eat that Sam" ... "Na fuck you I'm gonna eat it" then I eat it, then I'm dissapointed in myself for giving in.
But yeah, I swear 70% of my daily thoughts revolve around food... and that's pretty bad to be honest. I have a lot of other shit that could be more worth my thoughts than, food. But it's the way I'm wired.. and I'm trying my hardest to rewire it. I just love food. It's like my best friend some days :(
Muh.
Sam. x
I am the same way. Even though I'm eating properly now - regularly, healthily and enough (geez my metabolism was doing a heck of a job to try and keep me functioning on the weird medley of crap food I used to feed it) - I still think about food all the time. Not usually in an obsessive way, but it's always there in the back of my mind. When is my next meal? What is going to be? If I have this for lunch, what should I have for dinner? Rice or a pita bread? Should I just have my dried fruit now and get it out of the way? FFS lol. If you're not feeling too shirty, go for a little walk and get some fresh air. Good for the body and the soul :-) I had an epically crap day on Monday - was sposed to go back to the gym after a week of being sick but I just couldn't do it. I felt like such a pumba that I just sat at home and watched DVDs. I did some bodyweight squats, lunges and a bit of half-hearted skipping but man I felt like a munter. Tuesday was a struggle too but I had a training session booked so it was non-negotiable. Wednesday was better - managed a whole cardio class. Thursday was almost back to normal - smashed leg day! Far out it takes awhile to get back into the routine again. I just keep looking at my wishbone ring - luck really doesn't have anything to do with it :-)
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