Days 25 & 26; Being true to myself and being patient.. harder than it seemed.

Alllrighty, blog time! I got busy last night and couldn't really be assed writing, but none the less I had a good day :) I've been going really well with my food atm - not feeling deprived, and just being patient. The one thing I forget is this process takes TIME.. and gosh darn, you defs learn to be patient through here hahah!!

I put on my fave bright pink tights yesterday afternoon and came into the store to see Josh, we were going to train, he was tired so we didn't end up going.. I was kinda thankful. Secretly in my head I was freaking out because I kept catching a glance in a few mirrors and work and outside at my relfection and it just about made me want to vomit. What the fuck did I wear these out for? My legs looked HUGE and it made me get such bad anxiety! I covered it up and just wanted to go home!!! I posted a pic of me in them on insta and on the FB page and they looked god there (all about angles lol) but as soon as I saw them unconciously I just flipped the lid and wanted to get changed! I felt like a WHALE!!! Arg is anything I'm doing working?!?!? Maybe I need to be even MORE patient, it's only been 25 days. Josh's last meal was this weird oat thing I made him with PB and banana and some white choc chips (He's bulking the lucky shit) .. I had a wee taste... OMG, I wanted to seriously eat the whole damn thing!!!) It was too sweet for him... so part of me wanted to smash back all of it, but I resisted and left it at the few bites I had. I knew having more would make me feel even worse than I already did!!!

This morn I did 5k on the tredmill! It was my goal yesterday but I didn't get to it because I got bored and my leg hurt, once again, excuses, I could have done something like a 5k bike but I just didn't... wasn't really my day lol. So I made up for it this morn by doing a 5k run, the first one I've done in 4 years!! Its so frustrating from going from running 21k with 3m k's to struggling to get through 5, but hey, I did it :) And I felt awesome! Kaboom!

Meals have been spot on today again, I have figured a way to curb my sushi cravings! I made clean sushi rice by adding apple cider vinegar, stevia and salt to my rice and hooollly shit it legit tastes like sushi rice! Winning lol!

It's... ten past 3 atm, this is the hardest day for me with food. I find I get bored so would have pushed meal 4 forward and eaten it already, but I am looking forward to ENJOYING my meal 4, 2 organic seed pumpkin cakes w almond butter and stevia and we will leave it at 2 not TEN!!!! :) I've been good lately w portion control too, I get hungry but I know its just cos I'm bored!!

I've also had a lot of girls reaching out lately, it's so humbling and amazing to know that I'm not alone and that I can and am helping these beautiful women, remember, please please please dont be afraid to talk to me or ask questions! I love helping ya'll :)

So tonight the plan is to gym, I might train shoulders? And some more cardio because its making me feel good, a good stress release just pounding my legs somewhere if that makes sense lol!!

I haven't had any maaaajooorrr cravings as of late, I can feel myself getting stronger and stronger which is cool, just a time thing and learning how to strengthen myself mentally! I know when and if It comes to competiton time again I will be a much stronger person than last prep and will manage it a lot better!

Just thought I'd touch on a topic; the fitness industry in NZ frustrates the shit out of me. It's the tall poppy syndrome.. everywhere, I mean I dont want to discredit everyone but everyone needs to get the flying fuck off their high horses and actually just be honest. The virtual world of facebook has a lot to say about it. Josh made me go a whole day without facebook, fuck it was hard. I challange you all to try it!!!
We are all 'pretending' or 'creating' this life we wish or aspire to live up to, and then when we reflect back on our personal lives its nothing like that, we feel empty and meaningless and a bit pathetic. Well, that used to be me anyways!! It's all about perspective too, and the amount of knowledge we have.

Us girls are all such diff shapes and sizes and make ups. I like to kinda put everyone into 'catergories' .. as in, there's the girls who are tiny and petite and struggle to put on muscle, they are generally the ones that find it easier to compete in Bikini comps hence they have a fast metabolism and a tiny frame.
Then there's ones like me, who are naturally a bit more built. I need to lose muscle to do that, and I hardly even push heavy weights! I pick up a 5kg dumbell and just boommmbbb I'll eat and booommbb muscle and fat just goes everywhere lol! Genetics blergh. Like, It's possible for me to do well in bikini, but as with anything, I'd be pushing shit up hill because my physique is not MADE to do this, it's made to be curvy, I'm made to have a huge ass and big thighs and a smaller waist. I'm just learning to embrace that... sometimes I still find myself holding onto that skinny girl I used to be.
YES, I can be that skinny petite girl, but the extent I had to go to get there is so not worth it.
My message to you all is just be careful who you source your inspiration from. I find the best way to source inspiration, is be drawn to someone who is a reflection of yourself. Someone in your 'catergory' who is successful and motivates you to be the best you, instead of looking at the bikini olympia and just short cutting yourself and shooting yourself in the foot because you'll never look like that, why not look at the likes of DLB who's an absolute fucking machine and the most humble women ever?

I dunno, dude, this is just my opinion. I just get fucked off with all these generic posts on facebook that I see, but hey, if it works for you it works for you - I'm a bit more complicated than the 'just get it done' attitude... and hey, I take my hat off to those who can just 'get it done'.
I face different challanges, and that's just me. And if you do to, then cool, that's you and me together on the same ship lol!


ANYWAY.
Rant over :) My bum hurts I'm sitting on the ground lol.

Love ya'll xoxo Sam