Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Day 32; Hayfever and food frustrations

Went to go for a run at gym this morn, couldnt cos now my ankles sore :( ffs i just got back into my running! I only enjoy running cos i can feel it working, ya know, the fat jiggling. X trainer n bike seem to nkt give me that.

Food was good up until lunch when i got the wooorst hayfever .. i couldnt taste my food and just got so mad at the world and drove home in a huff. I deliberatly left meal 4 back at work.. almost as if i was setting myself up for a binge.

Got home... played w charlie and did some housework.. then that lil binge voice chipped up. "You know theres a tub of almond butter in the house, dont you sam"
Yes. Yes i do.
I mindlessly went to grab it n put a spoon in it.. just one bite.
... whole jars gone. I then went to make some protein mousse.. i need to stop this now! I felt so picky n so mad at me for going thru two jars this week... i tried to justify to myself tht almond butter is okay and peanut butter isint. Jesus.

Drove back into work n went to grab a protein bar because i felt like eating.
Josh gave me a look and i quickly piped up "but i havent eaten all afternoon" what a fucking lie! While he went to the toilet i even snuck in a few mouthfuls of his meal 4... im not even hungry im just addicted to eating!

I told josh i lied.. he was really understanding.

While he was in the shower n i was prepping my meaals i ate a bit of his rice leftover and some tortilla chips... arg ok no more picking! I deliberately make ppl food so i can surround myself in it i think.

Anyway rant over

X sam

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