Day 31; From peanuts to almonds, oh and suns out guns out!

Todays going pretty well! I've had a few wee projects on the go, heaps of emails to reply to and just lil things that have keep me ticking over.

Last night was all a bit messy at home.. I don't really know if I should share my whole home life here, but my step dad and mum have split and mums left with the kids up to picton, so it's kinda messed my head a lil but I'm staying strong. Luckily I have Josh and some really cool close friends. I was just pretty sad last night because I'm sick of all the bullshit that cmes along with split parents, I serisouly vow to be the best mother to my children and not let this bullshit get in the way!

I've made a doc appointment for friday, to try sus a new form of contraception and to get some more anxiety meds. I'm struggling w the thought of going on contraception because I know I gain weight chronically for it.. The IUS isin't really an option because it's too expensive :/ So I'm a lil stuck.. I spose I'll just have to get over it! It really messes w my head I have been busting my ass lately and the last thing I wanna do is put on weight again :( I can't handle it!

I'm really proud of myself tho - It's been a month without any binges. It hasnt been all rosy, I've had a few slip ups but the moral is I've been focsing real hard on getting to the bottom of it all.

I told myself no peanut butter this week. But good old me went and jusitifed almond butter to myself and I put it on my egg whites today and then went back ad got the spoon in it. Luckily I only had one spoon of it but I could have gone and finished the whole tub if I really wanted to lol.

Trying to be a little kinder to myself and I'm trying real hard today to not look at my reflection in the mirror or in windows and dwell too much on it, because I just get really upset when I look at myself!

I did some cardio this morn and then some abs, and also a few squats and I felt good! Then I've been hanging at work with Josh today just doing my own work. Going back to the gym tonight with Josh I'm not to sure what to train?? I think I'll just do a bit of a circuit as I like them, I feel a bit useless doing 'back' etc by myself atm because I keep worrying what people think of me. I can't wait to fucking get past this stupid barrier, I KNOW I'm so stupid I just cant seem to help but stress out about how 'non comp lean' I look atm :/

Eggggrrrggghhh haha.

I'm trying hard tho and thats all that matters!

Here's to a good day,

Sam xxx